To find that person
by TeamJanny
Summary: 'We all want to find a person, or have a child we love so much, we'd die for. Swap places with.' But will that ever happen for Jac? Janny! Please read and review! Multi-shot Currently Abandoned... Apologies
1. To find that person

**Please let me know whether I should make this a multi-shot or not! Please review, it puts a rather large smile on my face! :)**

**Sophie x**

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_'We all want to find a person, or have a child we love so much, we'd die for. Swap places with.'_

Darwin was its usual self, loud, hectic and under the rein of Miss Naylor. Jac had made herself comfortable at the Nurse's station and was trying her best to distract herself. She had a pained expression on her face, which didn't go unnoticed by Tara.

'Miss Naylor, are you alright? You look extremely tired.' Said Tara who was looking concernedly at the Consultant.

'I'm fine, now run along, I'm sure that there must be something you can do other than annoy me.' Said Jac rudely.

'Right, umm, s-sorry Miss Naylor.' Said Tara as she rushed away.

Jac pulled a mirror out of her bag; she looked at the circles beneath her eyes and frowned. She hadn't slept for two days and it was beginning to take its toll. Every time she tried to sleep, that same thought just kept making its way back into her mind. She was approached by another doctor who was also looking rather concerned.

Elliott had spotted her yawning whilst he was checking up on a patient and was beginning to worry. 'Jac, you look awful, what's the matter?'

'Nothing, I'm fine.' Said Jac defiantly.

'You don't look it. Office now.' He said, hoping that she would listen to his command. She did. Slowly rising from her chair, Jac followed Elliott into the office and slumped onto their sofa. She was exhausted.

'Jac, you look ill, I mean really ill. You look like you've just been sick.' Well Elliott, that would be because I have, she thought to herself. 'Would you like the rest of the day off?'

'No, I'm fine, just let me get back to work.' Said Jac, leaving the office.

She stalked down the corridor, her extremely pale face and red eyes, turning the heads of many of her colleagues. She could see Jonny and Mo, now sat at the nurse's station laughing. They should be working, not playing, she thought angrily.

'Miss Effanga, there is a patient who needs a chest drain. He also needs an abscess draining. Bed three, now.' She said sternly.

'Alright, keep your hair on.' Said Mo as she rushed off.

'Jac, there's no need for you to be so rude.' Said Jonny.

'Shut up.' She mumbled.

'Jac, just because you don't have any ops today, doesn't mean you can be nasty.' Argued Jonny.

'That's not why I'm angry.' Said Jac who was beginning to feel sick again.

'Jac you're shaking, what's happened?' Asked Jonny worriedly.

But before Jac could reply with a cutting remark, she dashed off to the loo to empty the contents of her stomach. She was sat on the dingy floor; her back leant against the side of the cubicle as the door edged open.

'Jac, what's wrong?' Asked Jonny, stroking her face. 'You're burning up.'

'I think I'm pregnant.' She said as she got another waver of sick. Jonny rubbed her back and held her hair out of the way as she vomited.

'Is it mine?'

'I hope not.' She said sarcastically. He looked at her worriedly. 'Yes it's yours.'

'Have you taken a test?' He asked as Jac sat back down.

'No, and I don't intend to.' She said trying to stand up.

'Jac, why not.' Questioned Jonny as he helped to her feet.

'Because I don't want to know.' She said walking away.

'Jac you have to, you could be carrying our baby.' Said Jonny following her.

'No, not _our_ baby, an embryo. If I am, there's no way I'm keeping it.' She said, splashing her face with cold water.

'What, you can't have an abortion.' Said Jonny.

'I have to.' She sighed.

'Why?'

'I just do.' She said before walking out of the toilets.

Before Jonny was able to catch up with her, Jac was met by an old face. It was Sean.

'Jac.' He said happily. 'Are you alright?'

'Fine, what are you doing here?' She asked.

'I need a favour, a bed.' He said.

'Who for?' She asked distractedly.

'1 month old Hope, she left NICU two days ago. Her parents died in a car crash and she was two months prem. She's going to be adopted as soon as they can find a family.' He explained.

'And, what do you want me for?' Asked Jac.

'She has an irregular heart beat and I think I can hear an arrhythmia.' Said Sean smiling brightly.

'Fine, HDU's free. Do you want to get her?' Asked Jac trying to smile.

'Yes please, her name's Hope Summers, she's in crib three.' Said Sean grinning.

'Right, I'll have everything sorted then.' Said Jac rushing off to find Oliver.

She found him in the staff room, his head buried in a research book. 'Dr Valentine, HDU needs to made baby friendly again, so if you wouldn't mind making the necessary arrangements.' Said Jac in a sickly sweet voice.

'Ah, doing another favour for Peter Pan are we?' He said sarcastically.

'One month old baby, Hope Summers.' Said Jac, ignoring him.

'Last time we had a baby on the ward it was winter and her name was Freya Winters, now it's summer, we have Hope Summers.' Said Oliver laughing.

'Hilarious. I'm going to get her, so if you wouldn't mind.' Said Jac, walking off.

She walked straight to Paeds and found a tiny baby lying asleep in crib three. She lifted up the sleeping child and held her to her chest, supporting her head. Hope began to stir, but soon nestled into Jac's shoulder. Jac grabbed the blanket lying in the crib and wrapped her up, cuddling her tightly. She walked through the car park, wanting to just walk off with this innocent child. She entered Reception, receiving odd looks from many of her colleagues, including Elliott who was stuffing his face with a doughnut. Jac pressed the button for the lift and held onto Hope protectively. The doors opened to reveal Hanssen stood in the lift alone.

'Miss Naylor, why is it that you're holding a baby?' Asked Henrick quietly.

'Patient, parents are dead and I'm taking her up to Darwin.' Whispered Jac.

'She's seems to like you.' He replied, trying to withhold a laugh.

'She's asleep.' Said Jac plainly.

'Yes, but even you should know that babies don't usually trust just anyone. She feels comfortable with you, therefore she trusts you enough to protect her whilst she sleeps.' Said Hanssen as the doors opened.

'I had no idea that you were a baby psychologist.' Said Jac as she walked onto her ward and left Hanssen to himself.

She walked along the corridor, avoiding eye contact with her gossiping staff. She entered HDU, to find that Oliver already had everything set up.

'Feeling broody are we?' Asked Oliver.

'Shut up.' Mumbled Jac.

'Fine, I'll go. By the way, your boyfriend seems to be interested in this patient, or more likely the patient's doctor. I think you should let him in on this one.' He said tauntingly.

'Just go.' Said Jac as she lay a sleeping Hope down in her cot.

Jonny approached her slowly, concern and confusion written all over his face. He touched her shoulder gently and pulled her round to face him. He stared into her eyes and kissed her gently.

'I meant what I said last week, I care, I really care.' He said earning another kiss from Jac. 'You know that I don't want to hurt you.'

'But so do I, I meant what I said earlier, I can't have a baby.' She said emotionally.

'Why not?' He asked.

'I just can't, for so many reasons.' Said Jac avoiding his glistening green eyes.

'Name me one.'

'Jonny please, don't.' She said helplessly. He looked at her worriedly, but she just walked away.

'Jac.' He begged. 'Come back.'

But she kept walking and went into her office. She fell back onto her chair and cried. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hid her face in her knees. She didn't know what to do; there was a chance that she might not even be pregnant. She could just be ill. But if she was, what would she do? Would she keep it, let herself, Jonny and their baby become a family? Or shut Jonny out and do it all by herself? Or would she get rid of it and ruin her relationship with Jonny? Or would she tell him it's negative and have an abortion anyway?

She had four options and with each of them she had to make a sacrifice. The first she'd have to sacrifice herself, let herself become someone else. The second, she'd lose Jonny, which she really didn't want to do. The third, she'd lose both Jonny and her baby. And the forth, she'd lose the baby and have to lie to Jonny. She didn't want to do any of those things, but it was her that got her into this mess so it would be her to get her out.

She knew that she wouldn't be able to make this decision on her own, so she dried her eyes and went down to AAU. She found Luc and Eddi sat the desk together. Luc had one hand and Eddi's stomach and was grinning. Jac knew that Eddi was pregnant and desperately wanted to have what her and Luc had. Love. Jac wanted to have someone love her, and she wanted to love them in return. But that wasn't going to happen.

She walked over to the desk. 'Luc, Eddi, congratulations, I hope everything goes well for you both.' She said uncharacteristically.

'Thank you, are you alright?' Said Eddi as she saw the tear marks down Jac's cheeks.

'I'm fine, where's Sacha?' She asked, diverting the conversation.

'In the office.' Said Luc.

'Thank you, umm, umm, Eddi, when's your next break?' Asked Jac.

'Half an hour, why?' She asked confused.

'Would you like to get a coffee, umm, I need you to umm, never mind.' Said Jac walking away.

'Jac, I'll meet you in Pulses in half an hour okay?' Said Eddi.

'Thanks.' Said Jac, and she disappeared into the office.

'Sacha.' Said Jac, struggling to hold back tears.

'Jac? What's wrong? Are you okay?' Asked Sacha worriedly.

Jac burst into tears as she was scooped into a bear hug by Sacha. He held her tightly, confused as to what had happened.

Eddi and Luc watched from outside, they saw Sacha sit Jac down and try to calm her down. They talked a lot, and Eddi and Luc tried and failed to lip read. They already knew that Sacha was in deep trouble with Chrissie after he asked her whether they could bring the wedding forward for tax reasons. Big mistake. Chrissie was now blanking him, pretending that he didn't exist.

Jac gave Sacha one last hug, before leaving a walking back up to Darwin. Jac went straight into the locker room, where she again saw Jonny.

'Jac, you can't keep pretending that everything's okay. Oliver and Tara are suspicious and Mo has worked it out. You need to take a test Jac.' Said Jonny, who was beginning to get impatient.

'NO!' Shouted Jac. She slammed open her locker, grabbed her make up bag and left the room. She rushed to the office, angrily.

She slammed door shut, not noticing that Elliott was sat at his desk.

'Don't.' She said sternly.

'I wasn't going to.' He said innocently.

Jac began to cover her face with foundation, hoping that it would make her look less pale. She put on mascara and scraped her hair into a bun. She took the hospital Hoodie which was hung on the back of her chair and walked away.

On her way down to the café, she saw Hanssen looking extremely worried. He was pale and shaking. But she didn't care enough to stop and offer him help. When she got to pulses, she saw Eddi sat at a table waiting for her.

'Hi, do you want a coffee.' Said Eddi who was looking the complete opposite to Jac. Her hair was down and her hair was lighter and considerably longer than when Jac had last seen her. She was glowing positively and had a smile plastered on her face.

'Espresso please.' Said Jac. 'No, forget that, A decaf please.'

'Why?' Asked Eddi.

'Why do you think.' Said Jac gloomily.

'You're pregnant?' Said Eddi loudly.

'Tell the whole world why don't you.' Said Jac.

'Sorry, I'll be one sec.' Said Eddi as she rushed off to the counter.

Jac sat thinking about what to say next. But before she could think of anything, Eddi returned with two mugs.

'First of all, whose is it?' Asked Eddi, ready for gossip.

'Jonny's. I don't even know if I am, I've been sick about a million times this morning. I'm almost two months late and I've been craving things like mayonnaise and cheese constantly.' Said Jac.

'That's disgusting, I've been craving fish fingers and custard at one in the morning, its driving Luc mad. Anyway, have you not taken a test?' She asked sipping her coffee.

'I don't want to, if I take the test, then I have to deal with the outcome. I don't want a baby, I wouldn't be able to cope.' Said Jac.

'You might not be, you could be vomiting because you're ill, you know there's many causes for missed periods and as for the cravings, that might just be because you're a little bit weird.' Said Eddi, trying to be positive.

'Thanks, I think.' Said Jac gulping down the last of her coffee.

'Jac, you do know that Jonny cares. I've seen you two together, he adores you.' Said Eddi. 'And you would make a great mum. You just can't see it can you.'

'I wouldn't, I'm too icy, too bitchy, too heartless.' Said Jac sadly.

'Yes, but don't you think that you'd care for this child, put all that behind you.'

'Yes, but would a child really want me as a mother?'

'You really don't believe in yourself do you?' Said Eddi disbelievingly.

'Why should I, it's not like Jonny will stick around, he'll run a mile as soon as the kid's born.' Said Jac.

'No he won't, what makes you think that?' Asked Eddi.

'My dad did, he left my mum before I was born, then my mum left me too. At twelve. She left me in care.' Said Jac tearfully.

'Prove her wrong, don't let her ruin the rest of your life.' Said Eddi.

'Thank you.' Said Jac, as she stood up. Eddi pulled her into a hug, and for once, Jac didn't object.

'Do the right thing.' Said Eddi as she watched Jac walk away.

Jac arrived on Darwin, to find Sean waiting for her.

'Miss Naylor, can you examine Hope now please.' He said.

'Fine.' She said, following him into HDU.

She found Hope lying in the cot, she had a tiny toy elephant in her hands and she was staring intently at it. She had a drip in her hand and seemed to have gotten quite used to it. Jac could see that the child was scared. This was the beginning of her life, and she was cooped up in here, no family, no guardian, no one. She had no one. Like Jac she was all alone. But Jac wasn't alone. She had Jonny, and possibly even their baby who could be inside her at this very moment.

She pulled the stethoscope from around her neck. She pressed it against Freya's chest and listened. Thump, thump, thump. She heard as she smiled at the child. It was all normal.

'See, you're fine, you have a perfectly normal heart beat, I can hear it going budum budum. You my love need to go back to Paeds. Believe me, Darwin is a scary place.' Said Jac thinking back to her own experiences. 'You're going to be fine, this world may seem terrifying, but it really isn't.'

'So you really don't want to take a test?' Said a voice behind her.

'Jonny-' Jac began.

'No Jac, I don't get you. You're so icy and intimidating when people can see you, then, when their backs are turned, you become this calm, relaxed, vulnerable woman, who's so scared of the world around you. I know you're scared about taking the test. God, you don't think I'm terrified. Jac, if it's positive, we'll have the chance to be parents, we'll be able to go through this together. I have always wanted kids, and I know that I want to have them with you. If you have an abortion, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. But I don't want to have this baby with you if you don't want it. I want us to make this decision together, not me telling you to have this baby. Jac, I really like you, but if you don't like me back then I'd rather you tell me this now. Than if two years' time, we've got a beautiful baby and you decide that you don't want to be with me.' Said Jonny who was almost in tears. 'Please.'

'I'll take the test.' Said Jac as she fell into his arms. He scooped her up and held her tightly. He knew that he loved her, but could he really tell her that?

An hour later, they were stood in the toilet, once again. This time, there was a stick lying on the sink and Jac and Jonny were waiting silently together. Jonny tapped Jac on the shoulder and tried his best to smile.

'Is it time?' She asked in a voice which was barely audible. Jonny nodded in reply, his heart beating faster than ever.

'Jac, before we find out, I want you to know that I'm going to be here no matter what. If it's negative, I still want to be with you.' Said Jonny whose emotions were all over the place.

Jac walked over to the sink slowly. She placed her thumb over the tiny window and looked up at Jonny who gave her an encouraging nod.

She removed her finger and there it was, the result. She turned around to face Jonny, her hands shaking.

'Positive.' She whispered in a voice far from her own. Jac eyes filled with tears, she couldn't hold them back. Jonny took hold of her hands, looked deeply into her eyes and kissed her softly on the lips.

'I love you.' He said quietly.

Jac looked up at him, completely shocked. 'I love you too.'

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Thanks for reading! Please review! x


	2. Forget about the people in your past

A week later and the two of them were beginning to get used to the idea, they were going to give their baby the best start in life and to make that happen, they had to have a scan. The only people who knew, were Sacha, Eddi and Mo, but that was going to change as they had organised drinks in the bar to announce their good news.

Jac was extremely nervous, people had only got used to the fact that the two of them were together. Oliver had found out after catching the two of them in the lift, mid-snog and Tara worked it out later that day when she walked in on them in a loved up moment in the locker room. Jonny had his arms around Jac and she had her head resting on his chest and was crying. Tara was shocked to say the least, but that didn't stop her telling the rest of the hospital. And by the time Jac had the suspicion that she was pregnant, the people closest to her already knew about their relationship.

It was early afternoon and Jac and Jonny were in Pulses getting breakfast before their shift started. Jac was wearing a plain black dress matched with a white blazer and bag. She was rubbing her aching heals as the shoes she was wearing were making them very sore. She had spent a long time getting ready this morning, she's curled her hair, done her makeup and chosen her business woman like clothes whilst Jonny was asleep.

Jonny was also looking smart. He was wearing a red shirt underneath a navy blue cardigan and tie; he'd even decided to wear his smart jeans, instead of being his casual self. This hadn't gone unnoticed by Jac who was quite pleased by his attitude towards their situation. Both of them wanted to go ahead with their relationship, but with their personalities being so different, it was going to be hard.

'Fine, it can be christened, but I'm not becoming a Christian!' Said Jac who was enjoying a blueberry muffin and a decaf coffee.

'I'm not asking you to, I just want our baby to have a bit of religion. Anyway, are we going to have god parents?' Asked Jonny, spooning mouthfuls of rich chocolate cake into his gob.

'We'll choose a man and a woman each, that way we can have who we want.' Replied Jac who looked disgustedly at Jonny's lack of manners.

'Got any ideas on who you want to choose?' Asked Jonny, wiping the chocolate icing which smeared around his mouth.

'Sacha and maybe Eddi or Chrissie. Although if I choose Eddi, she might influence our child to start taking drugs and if I choose Chrissie, she'll teach our child to be as much of a nosy, selfish, annoying bitch as she is.' Said Jac rudely.

'Good, not evil. I was thinking Mo and Oliver, both sensible role models.'

'Fine, we need to get up to Darwin, our shifts about to start.' Said Jac looking at her watch. 'Also, I need you to cover for me in about twenty minutes, I need to go upstairs and tell Hanssen about the baby.' She added as they entered the empty lift.

As soon as the doors closed, Jonny put his hands around Jac's waste and pulled her into him. He kissed her passionately and moved his hands down to her thighs, a moan escaping her lips. He lifted her up and pushed her up against the wall, the cold metal sending sparks down Jac's back. They travelled further upwards, but before they were able to break apart, they reached their floor and were met by none other than Mr Hanssen.

'M-Mr Hanssen.' Stuttered Jac, pushing herself away from Jonny.

'Ms Naylor, Nurse Maconie.' He replied in his icy tone. 'Would it be possible to have our appointment now?'

'I don't see why not, Jonny could you tell Elliott that I'm in a meeting and that I'll be there ASAP.' Said Jac, exiting the lift with Hanssen.

They walked along the corridor in silence, both of them feeling uncomfortable. Jac was dreading having to tell him that she'd gotten 'knocked up' and Hanssen was dreading hearing the 'urgent news' from her. Hanssen opened the door and followed her into the office.

He sat down at his desk and cleared his throat before beginning his well thought about speech. 'Miss Naylor, as you are aware, I found out about yours and Mr Maconie's relationship about three weeks ago. During which time, I have been informed that you have been caught kissing in the lift, that you've been unprofessional on the war-'

'Unprofessional?' Interrupted Jac.

'Well, I don't think that Mr Maconie smacking you on the bottom is the height of professionalism in the work place. But , the most problematic thing is that I must deal with the two complaints, highlighting something that I find extremely inappropriate.' Said Hanssen awkwardly.

'What?'

'The noises which have been heard coming from both the on-call room and the store cupboard. a member of staff has seen you both enter one of those rooms, had the unpleasant experience of hearing whatever was going on in there.' He replied bluntly.

Jac was beyond mortified, she stared at him before sitting on the sofa behind her.

'You needed to tell me something _urgent_.'

'Yes, I'm… umm, well… I'm pregnant.' She stuttered.

'I see, and how far along are you?' He asked, sitting down beside her.

'I have a scan this afternoon.'

'And the father is…'

'Jonny, he's the dad and he wants to be a dad.' She replied. 'I know that you've read my file, you probably know all about my past, but my baby is going to have two parents who love each other and who love him or her. My mother left me without a word of goodbye, but I won't do that to my baby.' She explained placing her hand on her flat stomach.

'You don't need to explain yourself to me.' He said placing a hand on her arm.

'Thank you. We would be grateful if you didn't tell everyone, we're announcing it this evening in the bar.' She said placing her hand on his.

'Of course, I would be grateful if you could tell me the outcome of your scan so that I can plan ahead.' He replied kindly. 'Is that all?'

'Yes, thank you.' She left the room, relieved at how kind he had been.

She took the phone from her blazer pocket and called Jonny.

'Hello.' He said.

'Hi it's me, I spoke to Hanssen, he was very…' She trailed off.

'Hanssenish… I can guess. When's the scan?' He asked.

'Four hours, I have a valve replacement on Mr Turner and a CABG on Mrs Shufelt afterwards. Could you get Mr Turner prepped and waiting for me in theatre in half an hour, please? I want Dr Valentine to assist me on the valve replacement and Dr Lo to scrub in on the CABG. Got that?' She ordered.

'Yes, ma'am. Anything else?' He said jokily.

'Could you assist me on getting changed, I think that it could be a tricky procedure.' She said flirtingly.

'I'm sure that could be arranged.' He replied. 'Bye.'

Jac hung up the phone and grinned and walked into the lift where she met Sacha.

'How're you feeling?' He asked.

'Fine, scan's this afternoon.' She replied, her mind on other things.

'What's wrong?'

'I'm scared,' she admitted. 'what if the radiation has affected the baby, what do I do then?'

'You need to tell Jonny you're worried, and then ask the obstetrician to perform the necessary tests. I'm sure it's going to be fine.' He said sensibly.

'Okay, but I'm still scared.'

'I know.' He replied, scooping her up into his arms. When the lifts doors opened, Jac left and went into Darwin where she found Oliver and Tara at the desk. They were both making paper aeroplanes and were flying them around everywhere. Jac strutted over to the desk, her noisy shoes turning the heads of many. She reached the desk to find her forehead suddenly collide with Tara's fist. Jac fell back onto her bum and looked up at Tara who had been trying to throw an aeroplane.

'Miss Naylor, I'm so sorry, are you alright.' Said Tara who rushed over to Jac who was holding her head.

'What do you think you're doing? This is not a playground!' She shouted, she removed hear hand from her head and revealed a large cut on her forehead.

'I'm so sorry, I… I um, I…' Panicked Tara.

'Is that all you have to say for yourself?' Said Jac as Oliver helped her to her feet. 'Get out of my sight.'

'What?'

'GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!' Screamed Jac. Tara rushed away in tears, whilst Oliver looked at her. 'Go after her then.'

Mo came over, a large grin on her face. 'Let me stitch it for you.' She grabbed Jac's hand before she could answer and lead her into the office where Elliott was enjoying a bagel.

'What's happened Miss Naylor?' Asked Elliott as he spilled the contents of his circular treat.

'Tara punched me.' She replied moodily, letting Mo make her sit on the sofa.

'Not exactly, Tara accidently hit Jac in the face whilst she was throwing a paper aeroplane.' Explained Mo as she wiped the blood away.

'Like I said, Tara punched me.' Jac said.

'But not intentionally.' Said Elliott, plonking himself down beside her.

'Jac was very harsh on her.' Said Mo.

'I can't see why sacking her is anything other than kindness. I could have her arrested for assault.'

'Shut up Jac, as soon as Mo has finished on your head I want you in theatre with Mr Turner.' Instructed Elliott.

'Fine.' She replied, taking her phone from her pocket and texting Jonny.

Ten minutes later, Jonny was waiting for Jac in the locker rooms when the door opened. The surgeon walked in and sighed. 'You have got no idea how stressful this job is.' She said, running her hand through her hair.

'Mo told me, are you alright?' He asked motioning for her to sit down beside him.

'Fine, but I feel a bit guilty about Tara. And Oliver.' She said sadly.

'What?' He asked. 'What did you do to Oliver?'

'Oliver had a sister, Penny Valentine, she died. On her first day as an F1, I made her life hell. She tried her best to impress me, but I just kept making sure that she failed despite her best efforts. I appointed her to the ward she least wanted to be on, just to make her life that little bit harder. A few weeks later, Connie Beauchamp, the consultant on Darwin at that time, gave her the chance to be the new F1 on Darwin. She got the job and I was her mentor. I kept making sure that no matter what she did, she failed. She chucked coffee on me one morning by accident, making me late for Connie's meeting. I obviously wasn't happy with her so that put me in a bad mood, then she did something really stupid, she let a photographer from the daily newspaper into a patients room to take photos of him. Security took him away, but then I was left to deal with Penny. I didn't deal with it very well so I humiliated her in front of all her colleagues and shouted at her. I said the same thing to her that I said to Tara and now she's dead.' Said Jac, a tear making its way down her cheek.

'It's not your fault, she was an idiot for doing that.' Jonny reassured her.

'She died just over a year ago. There was a train crash and she went to the scene with Michael Spence and Frieda Petrenko. She crawled under an unstable carriage to help a woman who was trapped. The carriage collapsed on her, she died instantly.' She explained. 'I made her life hell. I made a large part of her short life hell.'

'Come here.' He said, pulling her into a hug. She cried onto his chest, she didn't even know why she was crying. Once she'd cried out all of her tears, she lifted her head up and smiled at him.

'I need to get changed.' Said Jac, standing up. She took her blazer off and turned her back to him. 'Could you undo the back off my dress please.'

'Of course.' He replied, sliding the zip down. He pushed the dress off her shoulders and watched as it fell to her feet. He looked at her skinny back, he could see the end of a letter peeping out from her bra. He placed his warm hands on her back and moved her bra down so that he could see the hidden writing. She had a phrase tattooed on her back in calligraphic writing.

'_Forget about the people in the past… they're not in your future for a reason.'_

'What does it mean?' He asked turning her round to face him.

She grabbed hold of the scrub trousers and put them on. 'I was with a man who I loved, in return he loved me, but we couldn't have a future together. But I have a future now. A future with you.' She said through the heavy tears. 'I have three tattoos.' She added pulling a scrub top over her head.

'Didn't think you were the type.' He replied.

'You thought wrong.' She replied, sliding her trousers down far enough to reveal another tattoo.

'_In the end everyone will hurt you, it's up to you to decide whose worth the pain.'_

'I had a bad childhood, a childhood which I will tell you about in time, just not now.' She said.

'I had no idea, I'm sorry.'

'Don't be.' She said pulling her trousers up again. She walked over to her locker and opened it, taking out her stethoscope and putting it around her neck.

'What about the third one?' He asked as she changed her shoes.

'Doesn't matter.' She replied, avoiding his eyes again.

'Jac?' He said pulling her towards him. Jac took hold of his hands and used them to push her hair out of the way. She showed him the single word, printed in tiny writing behind her ear.

'_Alone'_

'It was my first tattoo, I got it on my eighteenth birthday. I've never shown anyone.' Explained Jac as Jonny pulled her into a tight hug. 'I need to get to theatre, I'm really late.'

'I love you.' Said Jonny before kissing her softly on the lips.

'I love you too.' She replied.

She left the room and walked towards theatre where she found Oliver waiting for her. She looked through the doors and saw that Elliott was operating.

'Ms Naylor, I tried to phone you but your phone was off, your patient Mr Turner took a turn for the worst and Mr Hope took her in. Mr Levy phoned to say that he desperately needs a CT consult and asked if he could have you specifically. Chrissie Williams called as well to see if you were available. Also there was a delivery and its waiting for you on your desk.' Said Oliver, counting things off on his fingers. 'Oh and Obstetrics called, they said if it's alright, could you please send up the patient who was exposed to radiation, apparently Sacha Levy informed them of your concerns.'

'Did he now? Dr Valentine, if you wouldn't mind going to AAU and refer to Miss Effanga if you have any concerns. I want you to ask Dr Lo to meet me in my office in half an hour and tell her that she needs to get changed out of her scrubs and bring her bag with her.' She instructed.

'Okay.' He said staring at her.

'Then why are you still here.' With that he rushed off to find Tara.

Jac smiled at the effect six words from her had on people. She carried on walking down the corridor and down the stairs. She followed the signs, despite the fact that she'd been working there eight years, when she occasionally forgot herself, she was grateful for the signposts. She walked down a corridor which she vaguely knew; she'd probably brought a patient here or had to go for a consult she told herself.

But then when she saw the two doors, she remembered what had happened last time. Last time when she'd lost the child she'd longed for. You would think that Obstetrics would be the last place that you'd find Jac Naylor, but two years ago, she was admitted as a patient. A patient who was no longer pregnant. A patient who had miscarried.

That's right. Jac miscarried Joseph's baby all those years ago yet she didn't tell him. She didn't see the point in breaking his heart over the lost child that he'd never heard about. No. she kept it to herself, pretending that she'd faked the pregnancy. This time Jac wasn't going to go through that again. The father knew this time. The father was there for her this time. The father loved her this time.

She walked over to the desk, just like she had done last time. She saw the same nurse look up at her.

'Umm, I'm Jacqueline Naylor. I have an appointment with Dr Bell this afternoon. I was wondering if I could talk to her before.' Explained Jac.

'She's in the office, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you just went in.' Said the nurse kindly.

Jac smiled and walked towards the office door. She found Dr Olivia Bell sat at the desk, her head burrowed into patient's notes and a cup of steaming coffee in her hand.

'Ms Naylor, Mr Levy got the message to you then did he.' Said Olivia motioning her to sit down. 'Do you know how long it was advisable for to stay in there for.'

'Yes, the time limit for us to stay in the room with him was fifteen minutes.' Said Jac sitting down in the chair opposite her.

'And how long were you in there for?' She asked, expecting a bad answer.

'Over twenty minutes.' Said Jac nervously.

'Okay it's obvious that we need to perform the necessary tests.'

'What are the risks?' Asked Jac whose heart was beginning to race.

'Miscarriage, deformities for the child, learning difficulties, the risk of the child getting cancer young is also likely.' She explained sadly.

'Okay.' Jac sighed. 'Can we get these tests over and done with.'

'Of course.'

_But are the results going to be good news or bad?_


	3. Come back

**Hiya, not sure about this chapter but I promise that the next on will be better! I'll make sure that I update sooner! Really looking forward to next weeks ep, Sacha, Luc, Michael, Jac, a caravan and a load of beer... what could go wrong? Anyway, please review, it keeps me writing!**

**Sophie **

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After the tests had been completed, Jac made her way down to Darwin. Thinking about what she would say to Tara. She had to keep herself distracted, telling Jonny was the last thing she wanted to do, but if he realised something was up, she wouldn't lie to him.

As Jac walked down the corridor towards her office, she began to get a pain in her stomach. She rested her hand on her stomach and bit her lip. The pain began to grow and she felt like she was being stabbed in the stomach. She felt the tears prick her eyes and grabbed the door handle in front of her. She entered the office almost in tears, a moan escaping her lips.

She was embarrassed when she realised that Tara and Elliott were sat in the office together.

'Jac, are you alright?' Said Elliot, looking curiously at the pained expression on her face and the hand holding her stomach.

'Fine.' Replied Jac quietly, the pain was beginning to go lessen a little.

'Dr Lo, could you please leave Ms Naylor and I for a moment please.' Said Elliott, Tara left swiftly. 'I have just been informed by Mr Hanssen that Dr Lo has a brain Tumour. An inoperable brain Tumour. A brain Tumour which hasn't grown since she was eighteen. Now I know that you had no idea about this, but I would like you to understand what Tara has been through in the last few months. She's been having endless scans with Hanssen, she's been having to keep this from Oliver which I know isn't what she wants to do, and on top of all that, she's had you bullying her. As your senior, I want you to apologise to her.'

'Fine, now can I talk to her?' Said Jac, by this time the pain had gone completely.

'Yes, but be nice.' Instructed Elliott, he left and in walked Tara.

'Ms Naylor I-' Jac cut her off with a wave of her hand.

'Tara, why do you think I asked for you to be sent here? Why do you think I asked for you to be wearing anything other than scrubs? Why do you think that I wanted this to be done off the ward?' Asked Jac, walking round to the other side of her desk.

'Ms Naylor please don't fire me' Begged Tara whose eyes were filling with tears.

'That is not why I asked for you. I want to apologise. I was rude to you and I know that it wasn't your fault. I should never have spoken to you like that and I'm sorry. But you need to start treating this hospital like a work place, not a playground.' Said Jac, a small smile playing on her lips.

'But-' Said Tara.

'I asked for you to get changed because I have a job for you. You do have a car right?' Said Jac, flicking through some papers on her desk.

'Yes.' She replied slowly.

'Well then I need you to do two jobs. Firstly go to all the regular staff on this ward such Mr Hope, Miss Effanga, Dr Valentine, Nurse Maconie, Nurse Carter and Nurse Jones and ask them what biscuits, hot drinks and snacks they like. Then I would like you to take this money and stock the cupboard in the staffroom with things everyone likes. And when you get back, I would like you to assist me on my CABG.' Said Jac, not looking up at the grinning F1.

'Thank you, that's very kind of you.' Said Tara who was more than surprised. Tara walked towards the door.

'Oh and Dr Lo.' Tara turned back. 'Congratulations on your latest CT scan results, Mr Hanssen informs me that the tumour hasn't changed a bit.'

Tara left with a smile on her face, but Jac on the other hand was sat at her desk, crying. She wiped her tears away, leaving red marks on her cheeks. She kept brushing the tears away, but they kept falling. They fell onto her scrubs and made small circular patches on the dark blue material. Jac wiped them away viciously, hoping that they'd stop, but they didn't. So she gave up.

She let them roll down her cheeks, tear after tear. She left her desk and went into the On Call room next door. She lay down on the single bed and hugged the pillow tightly. She wanted Jonny, she wanted him to tell her that everything would be alright, that the baby would be okay. But she knew that as long as he was kept in the dark, she wouldn't be able to get that from him.

On the ward, Tara was looking for Jonny, she knew that Jac looked in pain when she entered the office and was feeling increasingly worried about her. She found Jonny and Mo in the staff room. They were both drinking cups of tea and were chatting away happily.

'Jonny, can we have a word?' Said Tara, hoping that Mo wouldn't become suspicious. Jonny walked over to Tara and she whispered. 'It's Jac, there's something wrong. She came into the office crying and now she's gone into the on call room.'

'Thank you, I'm sure she's fine.' He said reassuringly. 'I'll go see if she's alright.'

Jonny walked towards the on call room and found Jac curled up on the bed crying. He walked over to her slowly and sat down beside her.

'Jac, what's happened.' Asked Jonny worriedly.

'Nothing, I'm just feeling a bit sick and tired, hormones and stuff.' She lied.

'You sure?' He asked, wiping a tear away from her face. She nodded, making herself smile. 'Hug?'

'Yes please.' She said, for once she just wanted to be held. He lifted the duvet up and climbed into the bed with her, he pulled her onto his chest and held her tightly.

'Jac, you don't need to be so upset. We're going to have a baby, you're going to be a mum.' Said Jonny as another tear fell down Jac's pale cheeks.

'I know, but what if everything goes wrong. Will you still love me if something happens to the baby.' She said through her tears.

'Like what?' He asked looking at her confusedly.

'What if there's something wrong with the baby? Will you still want to be a dad?' She cried.

'Jac, no matter what, I want us to be a family. You, me and our beautiful baby. Even if our little _'Mini Maconie'_ is ill or has learning difficulties or whatever, he or she will still be perfect to us.' Said Jonny kissing her forehead.

'Really? You won't desert us?' She said astonished at he'd just told her.

'No, I love you. Why do you find that so hard to believe? Have you not told your parents?'

'It's all in the past.' She said pushing him away, making him hold her tighter. 'Jonny get off me.' She said calmly.

'No, why haven't you told them?' He asked as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp. 'Are you embarrassed of me? Is that why?'

'NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY, OKAY. MY DAD KILLED HIMSELF WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND I WAS IN CARE ALL MY LIFE BECAUSE MY MUM DESERTED ME.' She shouted. 'I HAVE NOBODY. THE CLOSEST I EVER GOT TO A FAMILY WAS MY BOYFRIEND ASKING ME TO RUN AWAY WITH HIM AND GET MARRIED, BUT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, I RUINED MY CHANCE OF BEING HAPPY. I SAID NO BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE HOLBY, I TURNED DOWN A PROPOSAL FROM THE MAN I STILL LOVE, BECAUSE I WAS TOO IGNORANT TO SHOW THAT.'

'YOU STILL LOVE HIM?' Jonny shouted back, wounded by her outburst.

'No, I love you.' She sobbed.

'LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME YOU DON'T LOVE HIM!' He shouted. She didn't reply. He climbed out of the bed and began to walk away. 'You sort yourself out, do whatever you have to do to get over him. Then you give me a call and tell me that you don't love him.'

'JONNY, COME BACK!' She screamed, but he kept on walking.

He walked down the corridor, wiping the tears from his eyes. He entered the locker room where he found Mo.

'Jonny? What's up?' She asked worriedly.

'I'm leaving, Jac doesn't love me, she loves someone else.' He said calmly, a tear falling down his red cheek.

'You can't leave.' Replied Mo.

'I'll be back, as soon as she calls me I'll be straight back here.' He explained. 'Just look after her for me until then.'

'Jonny, please, just talk to her.' She argued.

'No, I'm done talking.' He shouted. He grabbed his bag from his locker and left the hospital, for what he worried was for good.

In the on call room, Jac was lying on the bed distraught. She'd lost him, she loved him and now she'd lost him. She whimpered as she felt the same stabbing pain in her stomach, she could feel it worsening and screamed loudly as the pain became excruciating. Outside, Mo was explaining the situation to Elliott when they heard Jac scream, they both rushed inside to find Jac doubled over in pain, her arms wrapped around her stomach.

'Jac, are you alright?' Said Elliott, rushing to her side.

'I'm fi-' But before she could finish she screamed again.

'Jac, where does it hurt.' Asked Mo worriedly.

'Elliott, get her out of here.' Shouted Jac.

'Mo, I think it's best if you leave.' Mo left the room as instructed by Elliott and let him help her. 'Jac, look at me, what's wrong.'

'I'm pregnant. But I'm fine, the pains beginning to go.' And it was, that was true but she certainly wasn't fine.

'I don't think you are, I'm going to check you over okay, do you want me to call Jonny?' Asked Elliott, walking outside and returning with a wheelchair. 'In.'

'Fine, just don't call Jonny okay.' She replied and let Elliott help her into the wheelchair. 'Can you call Sacha please.'

'Of course, I'm going to need to tell Mr Hanssen, you're not fit to work.' Said Elliott, pushing her down the corridor. 'I know that you want your privacy but he has to know.'

Elliott took Jac into the side room and supported her as she got into the bed. He checked her blood pressure which was higher than expected, he took out his stethoscope and listened to her chest but nothing came of that. He felt her abdomen and she told him that she was fine. But was she? Was she lying?

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Thanks for reading, please review, even if its just a line or a word or whatever :)


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